"Fixing a panto car wasn't a giant job"

I like a laugh as much as anyone. Which is just as well in this job, as you never know what you're going to come up against from one call-out to the next - especially at this time of the year, which is one of our busiest. But I have to admit that when this one came up my immediate reaction was to think that someone was pulling my leg.

The Theatre Royal in Newcastle is currently showing a pantomime production of Jack and the Beanstalk. In one scene, the character of Farmer Trot has to drive his Reliant Kitten onto the stage.

In the acting profession they have a saying, 'never perform with animals or children'. Well, in this case they should have added 'or with cars' because during a matinee performance it broke down - on stage. When the audience realised that it wasn’t actually part of the pantomime, someone shouted out "Call the AA" – which they did after the performance.

So there I was up on stage in this beautiful theatre, looking over a Reliant Kitten that was painted like a black and white Friesian cow. It didn't take long to discover that it was a simple flat battery, which I fixed in time for the 7pm performance. After all, the show must go on. And yes, I did keep an eye out for the giant.

Mark Noble, AA Patrol